Satisfaction
by Iris Pont
Summary: "Anger filled his face and... I was scared." In college, Rachel and Jesse are together. But when the relationship turns abusive, even deadly, who can help Rachel as she's on the brink. Full summary inside.
1. Summary & Preface

**Okay, as some of you may know, October is Domestic Violence Awareness Month! I feel very strongly about this topic, and feel that the best way to get it across is through a story. So, thus, we have _Satisfaction_. Kind of based on the 2002 film **_**Enough**_**, starring Jennifer Lopez. You don't have to see the movie to read this, but I recommend seeing it. It's a great movie. But, anyways, here's the basic summary.**

**Four years since the New Directions graduated. Four years since Rachel and Finn went their separate ways. And now Rachel is living in New York, and engaged to none other than Jesse St. James. Unexpectedly, things turn for the worse, and one slap across the face escalates to beatings. Rachel tries fleeing, only followed have threats of Jesse's abuse. Can she escape the madness? Is there anyone out there to help he gain her strength again (Whoa! Foreshadowing!)? Please read to find out. But yeah, it's FINCHEL, with St. Berry occasionally, but in the end Finchel.**

**Disclaimer: I don't own Glee, it's characters, or Finn. I don't even own Enough. All I own is my ideals about this. Help spread the word about Domestic Violence Awareness Month! Visit .org/ for information.**

_Fact: Females are more often victimized by people they know_

It was my first day at NYU, and it was forever imprinted in my mind.

You know that one idea, that one that's never really said, but is known by every high school students? That college is just like high school, with hierarchy, and the ones who wear the letterman jackets from senior year are automatically cool? Yes, it's wrong.

Walking around the campus, it felt nothing like high school. In ways, it was good. I didn't have to worry about slushy facials every second (yet even today, whenever I see a slushy, I flinch). There were no crude pornographic drawings of me. No Cheerios breathing down my neck, whispering harsh comments. No Karofsky. No prejudice and bias. Just people.

And in ways, that was bad. The people. There were so many people, spread out over an infinite amount of space. It was overwhelming, and that's a big thing, coming from me.

That moment, looking out at a sea of faceless faces, was one of those few moments where I missed Finn. Sure, it was mutual when we broke up. Almost inevitable. I was on my way to New York, and he was going to Ohio State. We weren't sixteen anymore. It was best for both of us that we broke up, just remain friends. But it was moments like this where I truly regretted it. But that's something I never admit to, not even to him. Sure, we email each other periodically, and he still appears to be completely honest with me. But I never could tell him I missed him at all, because truly, it would hurt us both if it was ever said aloud.

God, what it's like to know no one. And no one knew me! That's what really resonated.

But still, I kept my stage-face on. I walked determined into class, and became fixated in a lecture I actually was bored with.

At the end of class, I stood up and walked out the door. I walked through the hallway. I was not greeted by anyone.

Is this what the rest of my life will be like?

Consumed in my own horrific thoughts, I ran into someone. Fumbling, I tried to pick up my books and apologize. When I looked up, I was grateful. It was a familiar face!

But then I was scared. Rachel Berry is _never_ scared, but this time, I was frozen in anxiety and fear.

It was Jesse St. James.

* * *

_Apology: __An expression of regret at having caused trouble for someone_

"I'm sorry" and "I love you". Those were the first things he said. Well, in truth, they were kind of later in the conversation, but it was still up there with the first things he said. And although I expected the former, the latter surprised me.

A while ago, I internally forgave him for what he did. Somehow I just understood it. Trust me, I never forgot. I held the pain in my mind always, and it occasionally haunted my dreams. But generally forgiveness is what I felt toward the situation.

Just I was going to say so, the second bombshell was dropped.

"I love you."

"W-wh-what?" I was shaken to my core. And when I'm rendered speechless, it's a bad thing. Jesse noticed immediately, laughing a little.

"God, that wasn't the best thing to say. But it's true. I never stopped loving you."

* * *

_Reconciliation: __the reestablishing of cordial relations_

Fast forward three years. Somehow that first conversation upon meeting again had changed me and my feelings. Somehow I had let him back into my heart. And I didn't mind a bit.

Our relationship was so… simple. It was slightly a hyperbole, but it was true in some ways. Things just _worked_. There was no drama, no "Run Joey Run", no peer pressure, no rivalry, and all together no wrecking ball to our relationship. When I thought about it, those things are what probably caused our high school meltdown.

But the best word to describe the relationship was happy. Joyful. Peaceful. In love.

Somewhere along the line, I stopped emailing Finn. Not on purpose, it just happened. Sometimes in life, friendships don't last. The last I heard he was the new quarterback at Ohio State.

It was the day of his graduation that he proposed. It was so romantic, theatrical almost. But that perfectly suited us. I said yes without even thinking. Happy.

* * *

_Foreboding: __fateful, ominously prophetic_

Dates weren't set right away. He said he wanted to wait at least until I graduated. I admired his concern with my education and career. It was reassuring of his affection to me.

We moved in together. I felt so close to him, intimately. We were _living_ together. It made everything seem so real.

But something was happening. My psychic ability kicked in, and I saw a storm coming.

I desperately tried to keep him interacting. But he always seemed so distant. Every now and again, he would try to reassure me, but then he was gone again. The look in his eyes was somewhere else. But I just knew I could fix it. After all, we were so happy together.

Today I found a text on his phone.

"_Hey there ;) Tell me when you get rid of her, I've got a little plan. See you tonight 3"_

**That** was the wrecking ball.

* * *

_Slap: a blow from a flat object (as an open hand)_

I confronted him immediately when he walked into the door.

"What is this?" It was the simplest question I could ask, and it still spoke so much.

First he looked confused, his eyes switching from me to the phone. He read the message. The confusion in his face switched to fear and sadness, but only for a second. Then he was smiling.

"It's nothing. Trust me." He tried to move closer to me, but I blocked his advance.

"Nothing is something completely unrelated to this matter!"

The smile on his face twitched a little as I pushed away from him.

"Come on, Rachel, you know me. It's not what you think it is."

"What is it, then? Because it seems apparent that you're _cheating_!"

The smile was completely gone then. Anger filled his face, and, like when we met again, I was scared.

His cold hand flew across my face.


	2. Chapter One

_Fact: Most cases of domestic violence are never reported to the police_

A red mark had immediately formed in my brain. Shock. Had he really just hit me? Surely he couldn't have, and it didn't seem like him at all. But the stinging pain on my cheek said otherwise.

Jesse looked down at his hand, and he shoulders slumped. A look of regret filled his eyes, but something in me said it wasn't sincere.

"God, Rachel, I'm sorry. It'll never happen again. But that text, that was nothing, okay? And if things do escalate, I promise I'll tell you."

What? Was this some compromise between me and some... some… slut? I was not going to take that. Almost without thinking, I confronted him again.

"You think you can just leave it at that? I'm your fiancé! I love you, and I will not be your doormat! How could you do this to me?"

Instantaneously, Jesse turned around and slapped me again. The cool hand smacked me backwards, pushing me into the door. Timidly, I stood back up again, standing eye to eye with him. And he almost giggled, but managed to contain himself.

"What? You obviously can't fight back, it would be no contest," he paused, as if to reflect on his thoughts. As he did this, I looked closer at him. He looked no different than the Jesse I was in love with. But, obviously, something wasn't the same, "Look, Rach, I really don't like doing this. But trust me; it's going to be fine. It's nothing wrong with you. I just have these… male needs that have to be taken care of. It's not like you haven't been good. I just need a little _more_. Understand?"

I didn't nod, but he acted as if I did.

"Good. Really, it'll be fine."

With a contempt smile on his face, he walked pass me. He left me standing in the doorway, staring after him with disbelief. My hand crept up to my cheek slowly, and I tentatively touched the already forming bruise.

I was sitting there, in the doorway. For a minute, ten minutes, an hour, five hours, who knows how long? Just touching my face and hugging myself to stop the tremors that wrecked my body. He must have at least worn a ring, because blood continually dripped down the harsh bruise.

The next thing I noticed was Jesse's feet. Standing in front of me again, he knelt down with a smile on his face. It was sickening and almost scary, and I flinched when he drew near me. Holding out his hand, he lifted me to my feet, so we were almost eye to eye. Smiling a seemingly sweet smile, he spoke in a voice that I knew well, but now sent chills down my spine.

"Hey, I'm going out with some guys," Silently, I couldn't help but doubt that statement. I kept my mouth shut for once. "Would you move a little?" He said this in a kind, almost joking manner. Almost as if talking down to a child. Me.

I complied silently, and he kissed my cheek. And he left.

When he was gone, I wandered our apartment aimlessly. My feet walked with purpose, but my mind wandered from Jesse to Kathmandu to Jesse again.

Eventually I was standing still in front of the door.

Almost by magic, a knock resonated. Startled, I opened the door. One of my friends from NYU sauntered in, carrying a cell phone, mid-text.

"Hey Rach, so I just wanted to come talk to you about the audition for Mat- what happened?"

My eyes followed her pointing finger to my face. I looked back at the concern in her eyes. I was going to tell.

"Jesse, he… "

Realization hit her immediately. Looking at me sympathetically, she spoke again."

"Oh, sweetheart, what did _you_ do?"

Disbelief stabbed my heart.

"Nothing. It's fine. I've got to go, so you should leave."

Cheerily she left, leaving me alone with my tears.

The next morning, I finally caught up to reality. Almost sprinting to the closet, I grabbed a large nylon bag and a suitcase. I was determined to escape.

"Rachel?"

Fear ran through my veins as I jerked around to see Jesse. He sauntered toward me a little, and I could smell both intense vodka and perfume. Immediately, I was angry. Without thinking, I spat at his face. Then I stared wide-eyed as he continued to walk towards me. All the repercussions I should have thought of before whirled around in my head.

"You're not leaving, are you? Rach, you can't leave."

I held my ground, but prepared to bolt. It was too late.

Suddenly I was on the floor, my head sliding from wall.

"Rachel, I would be so sad if you left. So angry…"

A kick to the gut.

"Do you know what would happen?"

Kneeling down, he blew his breathe on me. Closing my eyes, I tried to block him.

His hands tightly gripped my arms, pulling me upward.

"I couldn't have you."

With a frightening shove, I hit the wall again, slumping down the wall.

"I couldn't have you. Then nobody could have you."

_Fear: __be afraid or feel anxious or apprehensive about a possible or probable situation or event; "I fear she might get aggressive" _

A year went by. I couldn't do anything but try to focus on my classes and act naturally. Desperately I forced ever strike into the recesses of my mind. But eventually the night came, when I would lie next to him, and his old words would resonate.

"_I couldn't have you. Then nobody could have you."_

I graduated. Jesse was there, smiling, cheering me on. Laughing with me and hugging my shoulders. My Daddy came, telling me how we both missed my Dad since he passed. He was kind. Jesse was kind. The bruises faded. I smiled, and was glad to see such familiar, kind face.

But eventually, Daddy returned to his new home in Florida. And the bruises came back.

They say that when fear persists for a long period of time, people tend to go into an almost remission. Life returns to normal. Until enough becomes enough, and the fearful either fall or act out.

One week after I graduated, my degree officially came in the mail. We celebrated. Then Jesse went out to "celebrate".

I ran.


End file.
